Diary of A Mad, Militant Black Woman


To be black and conscious in America is to be in a constant state of rage.” – James Baldwin

It’s the fourth month of a new year and we’re already at over 100 shootings at the hands of the police officers. That rage continues to burn deep inside of me as I watch name after name get added to the already extensive list of unarmed black men and women slain in cold blood. As though the actual hunting of our people wasn’t enough, we must also deal with America’s callous response to our plight.

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A reporter in Charleston’s initial thought was about the murder’s dogs. It’s disturbing that animals take higher precedence than black lives in 2015.

I’m tired of hearing about a few bad apples spoiling the bunch. At this point I’m convinced that it’s not a few bad apples spoiling the bunch, rather a tree of inequity producing a dangerous fruit. It is this tree that must be dealt with at the root, chopped down and replanted if necessary.

We’re still dealing with the same inane arguments and attempts at justification of the killings of unarmed blacks by some and the blind eye of those who are “still waiting on the facts,” despite hard evidence of misconduct on plenty of occasions.

What’s even more infuriating is the amount of ignorance and vitriol coming from other African-Americans, particularly those in the public eye. From conservative pundits Larry Elder, and Crystal Wright mislabeling many of the victims as thugs who were deserving of their demise, to entertainers such as Pharrell and Raven-Symone who proudly and foolishly proclaim that they don’t see color. Common recently insinuated we should extend a hand to our white brethren in love as though we are the antagonist in this whole ordeal and the onus of ending racism is on us. And don’t even get me started on Isaiah Washington describing how he traded in his Mercedes for a Prius, urging others to simply accept and adapt to the injustice around us.

For months after George Zimmerman was acquitted and up until right before Darren Wilson was set free, I was fueled by this rage. It motivated to me to stay informed and engage in, at times, fiery debates with others. As the percentage of policemen ruled not guilty continued to increase, the events began to take a toll on my psyche, most recently the Walter Scott incident.

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Aside from the individuals denying our humanity and trying to convince us that it’s all in our heads, there’s the overwhelming amount of images being circulated of slain black victims. Videos of Eric Gardner, Tamir Rice, John Crawford and now Walter Scott in their final moments of life on constant loop on news stations and satirical talk shows such as The Daily Show with Larry Whitmore. The other day someone basically brought up the fact said news outlets didn’t feel the need to constantly show horrific images of Sandy Hook or Boston Marathon victims, why are the videos and pictures of black lives being taken so readily available for consumption? We should not have to use shock value to tell our story. I saw a string of tweets that for the most part sums up how I feel about the damage these images cause here

At this point in time, I’m emotionally drained. I spoke to one of my younger cousins the other day as he prepared to go out that night with some of his friends. Having helped feed, change and bathe he and three his brothers as infants, I still look at them and see the same innocence and quirky characteristics they possessed as kids, despite three of them standing at over six feet now. My heart skipped a beat when he told me he was going out because society does not afford our boys or girls to maintain any sort of innocence.

I see family members in each one of the victims of police brutality and can’t help but internalize the pain of their surviving family members. To go through the routine of arguing our humanity, taking in horrific images and worrying about my own family, I’m exhausted to say the least, but still feel it is my civic duty to stay abreast of the events unfolding so that I can help this movement in any capacity that I can.  

In my opinion, the key to moving forward is for America as a nation to cut the crap. White people must stop putting their feelings above our black needs. Being called a racist is far less damaging than being a victim of police brutality due to racism. Ending police brutality and systematic racism in general is on those doing the oppressing. A friend of mine had an article that discussed changes that must be made going forward here

And that’s just how I’m feelin…

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